Getting it together

In my last post.. Lost.. I was feeling depressed.. In this post a month later.. I am in school and I am aiming for my bachelors of art.. Growing up I was diagnosed with BiPolar Depressive Disorder and.. I have been working through this battle all my life.. It used to hold me back until I met my finance.. (We been together almost 10 years and got four handsome boys.. Just a little information about me) It can still be tough dealing with it sometimes but I have been slowly learning how to snap myself out of being depressed.. Like right now I am currently in school getting my hiset degree (High School Diploma) and then collage.. It took me a little more time to find my way because I am a mom of 4 and I have a wonderful husband to be.. So I have been a very busy woken taking care of home while my fiance provided.. This year all the kids are in school and they are 10 going on 11, 9, 5 going on 6 and 4.. So it's time for me to finally adventure of and get myself in order to be an even better person for my family.. As I say aim high.. Life is hard but you will never appreciate life without hardship

Lost.. Written 08/16/2016

I feel lost .. Like I'm losing myself .. My way in life .. I am trying so hard to get myself out this rut .. I care a lot about what others have to say and I shouldn't .. I care a lot if someone has a attitude if it be towards me or not and why should I care because its not the same when it comes to me !! I'm far from perfect .. I make mistakes .. Who don't ?? I feel like I'm always being punished for something in life .. If I did it or not .. I really don't want to go down that path of getting depressed again as I have time and time again .. I am really trying to avoid that .. I really need to do for me and make me happy within myself .. I'm happy with my loved ones .. My children .. Just not happy within myself .. I write to myself because I just feel like if I talk to someone they won't understand it or they will look at me like I'm crazy .. I'm trying to hold everything together but I just feel like I'm losing it and I keep saying it .. I'm just trying to avoid losing it ..

What's done in the past ??

Whats done in the past is in the past .. How true is that statement though ?? Because just like you have a past .. You have a future and we all know the saying "history repeats itself" so with that .. How do you feel about someone else's past cus we all have one .. Some are squeaky clean .. Others not so much but who are you to judge ?? Especially if they weren't in your life when they decided to DO WHATEVER they decided to do .. Who are you to point your fingers and criticize what they once did when lord knows YOU aren't perfect .. Idk I'm big on minding my business what i don't know won't hurt me .  BUT sometimes shit just happens to come to the surface but I could never hold someones past against them but thats just me .. Theres a lot of things I let slide ..  Whether its cus i want to be treated the same or thats the right thing .. Thats how I move .. Doesn't mean everyone does or should move the same way .. What works for me may not work for you .. But ...... Before you go and judge that certain someone .. Make sure your hands are clean .. Which they aren't .. So stop .. Stop while you're ahead and live for the now .. Or even the future but never... EVER... Never ever ever *smokey voice* live for or in the past.

LT. Michael P. Murphy

Michael P Murphy

Specialty: Navy SEAL

BUD/S Class: 235

SEAL Service: (TBD)

Rank: Lieutenant

Age: 29

Home: Patchogue, New York

Assigned: SEAL Delivery Vehicle Team ONE, Pearl Harbor, Hawaii

Died: June 28, 2005

Operation: Enduring Freedom (Afghanistan)

Details: Murphy was the leader of a four-man SEAL reconnaissance unit that secretly infiltrated into the Hindu-Kush mountains on June 27, 2005. Ambushed on the 28th by overwhelming Taliban forces, Murphy valiantly climbed into the open onto high ground to make an electronic call for rescue. Wounded, he fought on, allowing one member of his squad to escape, before he himself was killed. Murphy’s remains were found during a combat search and rescue operation, July 4, 2005.
Read Michael Murphy’s Summary of Action in Operation Redwing

Awards: Lt. Michael Murhpy was awarded the MOH on October 27, 2007. He is only the third service member to earn that highest national honor since President Bush sent U.S. military forces to Afghanistan in 2001, and later to Iraq. He is also the first Navy recipient since the Vietnam War.

Other Awards: Silver Star
Purple Heart
Combat Action Ribbon
Afghanistan Campaign Medal

Contributions: Murphy was part of a dedicated team fighting the Taliban, a fundamentalist regime that a U.S.-led coalition knocked from power in Afghanistan in 2001, but has continued to conduct guerilla operations, particularly along the Pakistan border. Murphy worked to help ensure al-Qaeda terrorists could not train in, nor launch strikes from Afghanistan since their lethal attack on the World Trade Center in New York City on September 11, 2001.Michael Murphy was a National Honor Society student and varsity football athlete in high school. After graduating from Pennsylvania State University with a degree in Political Science, Murphy turned down offers to two law schools to join the Navy and become a SEAL. He served on missions in Jordan, Iraq (twice), Qatar, and Djibouti in East Africa.

LT Murphy deployed to Afghanistan in April 2005. He was the leader of a four-man SEAL squad that secretly infiltrated into the 9,000 foot Hindu-Kush mountains along the Pakistan border on June 27th. The team was conducting a sensitive mission to capture or kill high-value Taliban target Ahmad Shah, known as Ismail, when ambushed by overwhelming Taliban forces. A fierce firefight ensued.

For about 45 minutes, the men fought on, as ammunition ran low. Three SEALs were wounded by gunfire or rocket- propelled grenades. One screamed, “I’m hit!” Murphy yelled back, “We’re all hit! Keep moving!”

LT Murphy climbed to higher ground and into the open to make an electronic call for help. Despite his severe wounds, he completed the call and continued fighting, exhorting his men to escape while he held off their attackers.

A Quick Reaction Force immediately mobilized in a daring daytime mission to reinforce the SEAL squad. Eight Navy SEALs and eight Army Night Stalker commandos perished when their MH-47 helicopter was hit by a rocket-propelled grenade and crashed.

The four-man SEAL squad courageously fought on alone. Michael Murphy, Matthew Axelson and Danny Dietz were killed in the fierce firefight as they provided protective fire that allowed a fourth squad member (Petty Officer Marcus Luttrell) to escape. Wounded in both legs, Luttrell walked several miles and was hidden and protected by an Afghani shepherd until U.S. commandos rescued him July 3, 2005.

Murphy’s remains were found during a combat search and rescue operation on July 4, 2005. He is being considered for the Congressional Medal of Honor for his heroic actions. His teammates who fought alongside him — Axelson, Dietz, and Luttrell – were awarded the Navy Cross, the service’s 2nd highest award, for valor. The eight SEALs who died in their heroic attempt to rescue them, were all awarded the Bronze Star.

Rear Admiral Joseph Maguire, Commander of Naval Special Warfare Command, told Murphy’s father, “Don’t think these men went down easily…Taliban bodies were strewn all over, 30-40 were killed, with a total of 80 casualties from the four- man team.”

Michael Murphy is remembered with the greatest respect and gratitude by his fellow SEALs, the Navy, and our nation.

Memorials: Michael’s father, a Vietnam veteran, remarked that his son “wasn’t into medals and calling attention to himself.” That noted, he said, “If he is awarded it (the Medal of Honor), it will be a reflection of what we already know about Michael: his bravery, his focus, his determination, his spirit of never give up.”One of Murphy’s SEAL BUD/S instructors wrote, “I’ve heard from the one who survived, details about your final moments, and I just want to say that you are an inspiration, a hard core warrior through and through, exactly what every Team guy aspires to be like.”

A BUD/S classmate inspired by Michael’s toughness and determination wrote, “I remember you with your stress fractures post Hell-Week and limping around with your iron will. Those thoughts will never leave my mind and further commit myself to our country’s undying cause of freedom.”

A SEAL about to enter BUD/S training, inspired by Murphy’s actions, wrote, “I want your family and friends to know that you, all the SEALs and every other military force’s sacrifice will not go unappreciated.”

And a personal friend recalled, “We always knew he was a tough son of a bitch, but he was so nice.” At the end of his radio transmission for help, despite his severe wounds and dire situation, Murphy – ever the officer and gentleman – said, “Thank you.”

G-Frog

A frogman is someone who is trained inscuba diving or swimming underwater in a tactical capacity that includes combat. Such personnel are also known by the more formal names of combat diver, combatant diver, or combat swimmer. The word frogman arose from Italian "uomo rana" around 1940 from the appearance of a diver in a shiny drysuit and large fins.

Combat swimming is often used to meancombat diving. Such actions are a historical form of "frogman" activity and an important feature of naval special operations.

The term frogman is occasionally used to refer to a civilian scuba diver. Some sport diving clubs include the wordFrogmen in their names. The preferred term by scuba users is diver, but thefrogman epithet persists in informal usage by non-divers, especially in the media and often referring to professional scuba divers, such as in apolice diving role.

In the U.S. military and intelligence community, divers trained in scuba orCCUBA who deploy for tactical assault missions are called "combat divers". This term is used to refer to the Navy SEALs, operatives of the CIA's Special Activities Division, elements of Marine Recon, Army Ranger Regimental Reconnaissance Company members, Army Special Forces divers, Air Force Pararescue, Air Force Combat Controllers, U.S. Coast Guard Helicopter Rescue Swimmers, United States Naval Search and Rescue Swimmers, United States Air Force Special Operations Weather Technicians, and the Navy Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) units. In Britain, police divers have often been called "police frogmen".

Some countries' tactical diver organizations include a translation of the word frogman in their official names, e.g., Denmark's Frømandskorpset and Norway's Froskemanskorpset; others call themselves "combat divers" or similar. Others call themselves by indefinite names such as "special group 13" and "special operations unit".

Many nations and some irregular armed groups deploy or have deployed combat frogmen.

Love takes time patients dedication and hard work

Being in a relationship is hard work and dedication. We all see old couples and our hearts melt and we aww .. But do you really think it was all play and no work when it comes to staying in a relationship ?? I have been with my husband for a long time now and we have four boys .. 10 .. 9 .. 4 .. 6 !! Let me tell you .. Their are days your gonna wanna throw your hands up !!

Being in a relationship take .. TIME .. PATIENTS .. DEDICATION .. HARD WORK AND YOU HAVE TO REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER ENOUGH TO GET THROUGH THE UGLY AS WELL AS THE GOOD .. NO MATTER HOW UGLY IT IS !!
In this I want it to be clear I am not telling females to settle because come on .. We never should settle for less then we deserve !! I believe that things happen in a relationship to test how much one really loves another !!
Everyone gets into arguments .. All different kinds of relationships .. So why should getting into a argument with the one you love and just end it because you both hurt one another is ok ?? Would you cut your mom or father out your life ?? I know I wouldn't so why is your relationship with your spouse any different ?? Everyone says things they don't mean .. Even you !!!!! You just have to realize is this the one I love and want to spend the rest of my life with .. If you don't feel like that .. Then by all means let go of that relationship !!
You will at times get annoyed with your spouse as well as he'll get annoyed with you !! Its important to both have your own lives to hang with friends because if you feel trapped you will find yourself trying to crawl out ahole !!
Also ladies if your man and you are driving and theirs another female walking down the street and he glances .. Let it be .. He means no harm .. It's not the end of the world because honestly the furthest thing from his mind is thinking about having sex with a random female walking .. He is simply a man and let's be honest .. Are you innocent ?? Do you not look when he's NOT around ?? If anything engage in it .. Say oh she had a nice butt or nice legs .. Guys like that .. Let's em know your not insecure and really that's a major turn on for him !!
All men want is to feel wanted and loved  .. Men don't show their emotions like us females do !!
In a argument and things get really heated .. You both say unbelievable things to each other and you feel like it's the end if the world .. He left or said I'm done it vice versa .. Just know if your really his baby .. He'll be back and if he's really the one you will let him back and you will work it out !! He really needs that time to breath and think .. Definitely give it too him and he will think wow she loves me for real .. She let me breath and welcomed me back to work it out .. He'll also think to himself .. Damn I'm a asshole !! Things happen in relationships but like I said it's up to you to decided if it's worth all the hard work !! Nothing in life is easy !!
Ladies if your man is down .. It is your job to encourage him and push him .. Don't nag him and tell him he needs to do this and that .. You haven't worked in two weeks .. Give him time .. More so if your young .. Trust it's worth the encouragement because when he's up .. Your all the way up !!
This is just a little perspective of how I feel and what I believe !!

This BISH

So tell me why since the time I moved into my apartment this dumb broad upstairs from me has been fucking with me .. First its we parked in their parking spot (HER&HER DAUGHTER HAVE THE DRIVEWAY .. MY FIANCE&I PARK ON THE STREET) at 10:00 at night ?? TF ?? Ok so we kindly moved our truck cool .. Little things she was complaining about .. Mind you the whole time she's calling our landlord and the police but we wasn't aware until we had a big argument .. Well a week before the argument it was dumb hot so ya damn right I set up the pool for my kids a little kiddie pool .. Before I continue let me explain my fiance is black with dreads and I'm white and we ha e four boys !! This lady and her kids are like some straight white races MFs .. Any who my kids had fun that day .. We was gonna do it again but this bitch turned the water to the hose outside off .. So I go down in the basement to figure out with happened .. This bitch follows me down saying what's going on down here blah blah blah .. She started saying shit about my kids .. Oh hell no I did yup I surely did flip tf out .. She called the police twice that day after she followed me down the basement a second time .. This bitch but a harassment order on me .. Now we live in the same building .. How's that going to work ?? I know the bitch is trying to set me up .. Oh and my landlord let me not get started on him because he's a dick .. He Dont know wtf he is doing .. I always get shitty landlords that allow other people to do what they do like cause chaos with a tenant .. Leave dog shit in the back yard so my kids can't play .. Tried to have her dog outside with my kids and my fiance bugged cause her dog nips at her .. And what do we do but follow the rules and what have company during the day we got a big family .. All I can say .. Its 2016 stop profiling .. Oh before I end this let's laugh at the bitches daughter who said she was scared for her life because my mans cousin had a ankle bracelet smh !!

Moving Is A Bitch

One thing I HATE most about being an adult is .... MOVING !!!!!!
  I'm so sick of moving .. I legit have moved every damn year since I moved out my Mamas crib and lived on my own starting way back in 2009 .. Moving is the most annoying thing and it is such a hassle .. THANKFULLY .. This next move is going to be a piece of cake !! As I talked about in my last blog .. A BIG change is about2happen .. I'm moving out of state .. There for what do I really have to take ?? Not much at all .. I'm only taking our clothes, sneakers, pillows, blankets, tv and anything that's sentimental like pictures .. Selected few Christmas ornaments and maybe very few toys .. We are starting all over .. FRESHHHHHHH and NEWWWWW !! Oh did I mention that we decided to go out to Florida in like a month in a half two months ?? Yea that's the plan !! Well .. I didn't really have much to blog on that topic lol .. This was more of a I had to get it off my chest real quick blog !! It worked ...

A BIG Change Is About2Happen

For awhile now Hubby and I have been talking about moving .. Now I'm talking about moving out of state .. It's definitely gonna be a BIG change but I'm ready for a new fresh start in my life as well as a fresh start for my FAM(ily) .. My husband and I have done our best to make a decent living out here in Massachusetts for our children and ourselves .. Everything we try I feel it's just not working in our favor .. So we have decided to move to Florida .. Yes Florida the sun shine state .. I have a whole bunch of mixed emotions from excited happy nervous sad etc. .. I'm going to miss the hell out of my mother .. As much as we argue .. I can admit even still at 29 years old I'm a Mamas girls .. I'm gonna miss my Gramz a whole lot too as well as the rest of my FAM(ily) but my mom .. Oh god is it gonna take a long time for me to adjust living so far from her .. Knowing she isn't around the corner or just a phone call away but I'm ready to embrace this new chapter in my life .. Like the saying goes .. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON .. I'm convinced that this is happening for all the right ones !!

Innocent Children

Ok people .. This post might seem a little harsh seeing as it is based on my sister .. She is a addict .. My poor niece is only 4 years old and has been through what most teenagers go through with their moms that are drug addicts .. My heart breaks for her .. All she wants is love and affection .. So my mother and I give it to her because her mother is to busy fucking up in the streets .. She also has a different man around my niece more then I can even keep count of .. I really despise my sister (Yes I Love Her) .. She is a selfish person and puts herself before anyone and anything .. I swear I will make it my life mission to make sure this little girl gets the chance at life she deserves .. It hurts my heart that my sister is a addict and growing up we never really had a good relationship but now we really have no type of anything .. I pray for her everyday but I don't see her changing her ways .. Did I mention that she also has 2 other children she don't have custody off .. She has two sons .. My niece is her 2nd child .. Children are innocent and never asked to be put on this earth .. When you decide to have a child your life is that child and you do whatever it takes for your child/children to have the best life you can provide for them .. Why would any women keep deciding to have more and more children when they can't take care of the ones they have let alone can't even take care of themselves .. That's just plan SELFISHNESS .. Now don't get me wrong .. I am all for helping someone that is a addict/ex addict get on the right track and do right .. I am not a judge mental person at all but when you continuously keep doing the same shit the same fuck ups etc. over and over again for 16 plus years .. I ABSOLUTELY HAVE NO RESPECT FOR YOU .. At this point it's just sickening and to the point I really don't care how you want to live your life but I will not let you bring down my niece or nephews for that matter .. I'm lucky enough to have my niece here with me because I don't get to see my nephews .. My sisters youngest son who just turned a year old I got to meet maybe twice because her husband  (Who she is separated from) mother took custody of him and won in court for full custody when he was only a few months old .. Now we are in another situation because right now she is of the rails with some guy she used to date when she was a teenager and she takes off and is out all hours of the night and my niece is older now and realizing more and more .. There is nothing left to do but let her go and just take care of my beautiful niece .. I have 4 wonderful handsome boys of my own and a wonderful husband and we all including my mother want to give my little princess what she deserves and that's a chance at a normal life !!